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  • Jillian Tedesco

How to Slay Mom-Guilt


If you’re a mom, chances are that you’ve experienced “mom-guilt,” the nagging feeling that you should be doing something different—or better—for your kids. Whether you’re like me and you’re constantly worrying about not spending enough time with them, or feeling guilty for wanting time away from them, mom guilt seems to always be there.


Some days I feel like the BEST mom in the world. Typically that’s when the boys have a good morning, we’re on time, they have healthy food packed for lunch, and we spend the evening out on the baseball field, coming home to some fit-flavors, everyone showers without throwing a fit, and we watch a little movie together at night before bed. But us moms know that this “perfect day” is few and far between. So I wanted to share some tips on how you can slay mom guilt and kick it to the curb even on a rough day.


The first step in getting rid of mom-guilt is developing an acceptance mindset. This means accepting yourself for who you are and being ok with your decision no matter what other people think or say about it. When faced with a tough decision, ask yourself if this is something that will bring joy and peace into your life without compromising any of your values or beliefs. Once you have made a decision, stand by it. Do not second guess yourself! This can be easier said than done but remember—you know what's best for you and your family better than anyone else does. Also remember, you don’t have to be perfect. If you make a decision and later realize it wasn’t the right decision, remember that we are all out here just doing the best we can.


Something that really helps me is to determine success on my own terms. Not on my husband’s terms. Not on me besties terms..but MINE. There are many external pressures pushing us to measure up to certain standards when it comes to being a mom – but these standards don't necessarily define what it means to us to be a successful mom. Rather than trying to fit into someone else's idea of being successful, create your own definition based on what works best for you and your family. Acknowledge that every family is unique and has their own set of values that they adhere to and honestly, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Sometimes when me and my husband Jason are on different pages, we just have to remind each other that our work lives, our stresses, and our expectations are a little different from time to time and to honor each other best, we can just accept that and work to help each other.


When I mentioned earlier that you won’t always make the right decisions and that’s okay, I mean it! Don’t beat yourself up over small shortcomings or lapses in judgment. Instead, practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that even though things didn't go exactly according to plan this time around, it doesn't mean that you're a bad mom. This one is hard for me, but when I practice self-compassion, I can feel my whole body relaxing and my mindset shifting to a place where I can experience more joy. The more compassionate we are towards ourselves when things don't go our way, the less likely we'll be overwhelmed by guilt in the future.


I don’t talk about motherhood a lot on my blog because I have just as many men as women reading this. So if you are a guy or a dad and made it through this post, go give a mom in your life a high-five. Buy her a rose from the gas station, her favorite candy bar or coffee. Moms hold a lot of shit in and sometimes we just want to be recognized for being a good mom, even on our worst day.


Can I get an AMEN?!


Yours,

Jillian









 

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